Cu Chi Tunnels or Disneyland?

I debated for most of yesterday as to whether or not I was actually going to write about my experience at the Cu Chi Tunnels, but I have decided that it is not fair, nor accurate, if all I talk about is the "interesting" things we see. Yesterday was by far the hardest, most emotional draining day I've had in a very long time. I knew that the day was going to be difficult, and I thought that I had be "mentally preparing" for the past few days, but there was no way to predict what going to this site was actually going to feel like. First, a little background on the tunnels. The Cu Chi tunnels were a system of underground roads, rooms, shelters that were used by the VC during the war. The communist gorrillas came down from the north and hid out in these tunnels and from here they would pop out at night and kill the Southern Vietnamese soldiers and their allies. The US bombed this area extensively, and poured tons of defolient on the trees, dropped napalm bombs, agent orange bombs etc. Needless to say, this site has seen a significant amount of trama, and death. We took a bus out (about an hour from Saigon) and our local guide was a 58 year old Southern Vietnamese man who in fact worked as an interpreter for the US during the war. After the US pulled out, he spent 2.5 years living in a reeducation camp. Wild. The energy was building as we drove out in to the countryside, and one of our leaders got up to warn us about the upcoming experience. I think he said, "If there is something that I feel you can't handle, I'll let you know." Now the whole group knows about Scott being in Iraq even though I don't talk about it very often. It's hard to be in an area that has been affected by war and not talk about your personal relationship with it.

We got off the bus at about 10, and found ourselves in a heavily forested area. Apparently it has only been recently that the trees have regrown. We walked to a dug out pit to watch a communist propaganda film which was so ridiculous we actually laughed at some parts. As we were sitting there I heard some blasting sound off in the distance. I had been forewarned that there was a shooting range at this site where tourists could try shooting all sorts of guns, including machine guns, but due to the fact that I've never spent time around guns (except for what I heard in the movies) I didn't really know what to expect. The sound is horrible, louder than I expected, and constant. It started to make my heart race. My emotional energy continued to build as we walked around the site and saw the types of traps the VC used, what they wore, where they lived etc. This is obviously one of the main attractions in Saigon, and so there were hundreds of people wandering around. My group, luckily, was taking the experience seriously, but clearly we have no control over how other people behave. Some American tourists were having their pictures taken pretending to be a soldier, or falling in to the trap etc. It made me feel really yucky. We walked around a bend in the road, machine gun firing in the backround, and there was a huge American tank stuck off to one side. On top of the tank was a fat white American woman grinning like the Cheshire cat, and I lost it. I knew that I couldn't stand there and watch people make a joke out of this war reality, and I walked away chin quivering. I can't emphasize the deafening sound of machine gun fire, and we couldn't see it so it sounded like it was coming from all directions. We had to walk right by the range in order to get out, and as we walked in to the clearing where the guns were, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, think, see... all I could do was hear gun fire. Luckily Derek (leader in training) saw me, and he quickly ushered me around the next corner... but the sound penetrates everything. I sobbed, thinking of Scott, and soldiers, and war and it kept building and building. It took a good 15 minutes for me to calm down enough to take deep breaths.

So, clearly I am better this morning, and we are all allowed to experience moments in our own way. The people in my group were unbelievably supportive, thoughtful, caring etc. and I felt safe with them, and well taken care of. I still walked through a tunnel later on in the morning, and even went to the War Remenants museum in the afternoon. It was a hard day. But I am proud of myself for sticking with it, and I knew that talk of war was going to be part of this experience.

On a lighter note (ha ha) I did eat dinner last night at Pho 2000 (a famous Vietnamese soup restaurant) where Bill Clinton dined in 2000 when he came to visit Saigon. Pictures of him line the walls. They still love Bill here! Today we are off to Chau Doc (a border town) and then tomorrow morning we cross in to Cambodia for 5 nights... then back to Bangkok. Then end is definitely in sight.